Tears

Well, today, I need to share my heart.  I have been reduced to tears.  I am learning daily that I really can't do it all!  I am so insufficient in every area of my life.  God is teaching me new things every day like...how much I need Him.  I felt so overwhelmed this week with home schooling my four and taking care of our baby, doing laundry, making meals, keeping the house clean, taking kids to extracurricular activities, and just the daily routine.  Sometimes, I feel like my children don't realize the sacrifice that I make to teach them at home.  My prayer is that they recognize the time and investment that I have contributed to keeping them at home.  I have often been so mislead by my thoughts.  I think, I want to make sure that I teach them everything so that they can say that Mom gave us every opportunity available.  I have come across some home schooling Moms in the past that have not done a thorough job of educating their children.  Wow, was I judgmental!  What I am learning is that character is far more important than my children being the smartest of the smart!  I spoke with a seasoned Mom today and shared my frustrations.  She said, "Do you remember everything you learned as a child in school?"  You know, I really never thought about that but it is true.  I didn't get the best education but I sure turned out okay and I actually feel like I had an accomplished career as a Nurse.  But, why am I so intent on doing it all?  I had to really think about that!  I think I have become so puffed up with pride that I try to do it all, without God's help.  I think, I can give my children a private school education at home.  Man, I am so prideful.  I've made some mistakes in driving them hard and not working often enough on character.  As I look back, I should have started every day with a devotion, talking about the Lord.  But no, I just kept driving.  At times, I can see that school is becoming miserable for all of us.  That same friend said when things aren't going well, her husband would tell her to slow down and make cookies.  In other words, enjoy your children, do something fun.  It's not until I get to the point that I can't do any more, exhausted, frustrated that I stop being stubborn and listen to what God's telling me.  Tahra, cut back on the schooling, they are supposed to enjoy it!  Tahra, spend more time teaching them about me!   Tahra, enjoy them, they won't be here much longer!  Tahra, don't get angry, frustrated, and feel defeated.  You know, we only have a short time with our children.  Have I done all that I can do to love them, to instill God in them?  As you can see, God is working on me, changing me, molding me with his ever loving hands.  There have been times when I wish I could take back some unkind words.  Lord, please make me what you want me to be.  Take my life and use it for your glory.  Help me not to be judgmental of others, to be puffed up.  I can't do it all!  I need you! It is so hard to be vulnerable.